Who I Am Hates Who I’ve Been

5 comments

Bonus points if you get the title.

been001

I was not a fan of March. I wasn’t a fan of myself in March.

Not a big fan of myself right now.

I feel like shit.

Not sick.

Just like a giant piece of shit.

been002

Let’s start this over shall we?

This has been a really rough month. I feel like I’m struggling with everything and nothing seems to be going right for me at all. I’m in it deep and every time I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel, something comes along and extinguishes it.

I’m terrible at being open about my problems. I totally own that. No one likes to admit that they are failing. Especially when everyone knows you as a winner.

Maybe not a winner but someone a little more put together than you currently are.

Everyone has such high expectations and when you fail, it’s nothing short of a disaster.

been003

Ok. I’ll admit I’m struggling right now. As I sit and write this I’m on the brink of a panic attack. I can literally feel it brewing underneath the surface and I’m falling apart. I want to just go to sleep but I’m so wound up I don’t think I’d be able to.

I think I need March to end now.

I set out this month to get to decluttering my life and get some cleaning done. I didn’t fully reach that goal but I did manage to do quite a bit. I went through a bunch of old DVDs and video games and sold them off for a little bit of money. It wasn’t a lot but I was just happy to get rid of some of the junk.

I’ve still got a bunch of work to go and more junk to go through but I did the best I could considering how I’ve felt through most of the month.

been004

Whelp, this has officially become the worst-ever monthly wrap up post so I’m going to quit while I’m ahead.

I’m going to go have my nervous breakdown and hopefully start fresh in April.

Good talk.

been005

5 comments on “Who I Am Hates Who I’ve Been”

  1. Well, as Taylor Swift says…”Shake it Off”. You can’t consider it a fail if it’s a work in progress. Decluttering is a lifestyle change…not a simple task like doing the laundry. You’ve already started, so that is a win my friend! Stay the Course!!!

    Like

    1. Slowly but surely getting there. I’ve been having a hard time getting my brain on the same page with things. I actually wrote that post last night before going to bed and woke up this morning feeling a bit better. Not 100% but certainly less anxiety.
      Small victories.
      Cleaning house has certainly been a challenge. When I moved down to Florida from Boston I came with almost nothing- then over four years managed to amass so much extra stuff! I miss having a small place where this can’t happen!

      Liked by 1 person

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